Here’s what we know about Asian carp: They’re ravenous, launch their bodies forcefully out of water and are inching closer to the Great Lakes.
Here’s what we didn’t know: They tell cheesy jokes, like music festivals and are addicted to social media just as much as humans.
Considering all of the negative press and efforts to prevent the monster fish from entering the Great Lakes, Echo was surprised to see @asian_carp Tweeting live and often from the Chicago Sanitary and Ship Canal. He has some 40 followers.
The quick-witted carp lives by the motto “Live fast, die young and leave a messy corpse” and reveals his evil plans to dominate the Great Lakes watershed.
He’s particularly interested in a possible Minnesota invasion route, especially if there’s a Cheesecake Factory along the way: “Nothing fattens me up for spawning more than runoff from The Cheesecake Factory. Nom nom nom nom!”
More of his watery Tweets:
- Hey fishy followers — NEW LISTING: 3 bedroom, 2 bath home in Lake Calumet. Six-mile swim to Lake Michigan. Great starter home! #Chicago
- Hey, Charlie Sheen, who are you calling a bottom feeder?
- Rest in peace, Lou Groen, Filet O Fish inventor, who died in May. Per his wishes, he has been cut into squares, breaded, and deep-fried.
- Jump! Jump! Everybody jump! Jump! Everybody jump! Jump!
- Ain’t nothing gonna break my stride, nobody’s gonna slow me down. Oh no, I’ve got to keep on swimming!
- Energy-saving tip: On your way to spawn, try carp pooling.
- If I hear one more carpe diem joke I’m gonna launch my body at the next boat that comes by. Oh, wait, I’m gonna do that anyway.
Echo caught up with the monster fish after he charged his phone on the electric barrier – it’s good for something, he said.
In addition to revealing his love of music festivals, he said most of his Twitter followers are European carp fishermen.
He’s had some interesting run-ins with an Army Corps of Engineers professional who doesn’t seem to think carp could handle the Great Lakes’ cold temperatures. But that isn’t going to stop him and his buddies from trying to invade.
“It’s crowded in the Mississippi,” he said.
The man behind the carp would identify himself only as a Michigan reporter and outdoor columnist by the name of Chris. He started the Twitter account as a light-hearted way of talking about a serious issue.
To get into the mind of the carp, Chris thinks about what an ugly, bottom-feeder might do while swimming in a canal full of feces.
“He’s got a sense of humor,” Chris said.
*Editor’s Note: Check out more Asian carp coverage with Echo’s Carp Watch feature. And who could forget our carp bombs!
Pingback: One man’s effort to teach alternative energy harnesses farts on Twitter | Great Lakes Echo
Too bad the Republicans gave full funding to keep the canal open for the carp, at the same time they are cutting the $450M funding to protect and restore the Great Lakes. There is plenty of money to close off the canal to exotic invaders, but that money is going away as tax breaks for wealthy Republican campaign contributors.
Here we come swimming up the creek, get the funnyest looks from everyone we meet…. HeY! Hey! we’re asian carp, people say we’re carping around. we’re too busy feeding and breeding, to care about your stupid jokes! It’s too easy to make fun, we should focus on keeping them from taking over. We know they’re coming, we know we have native predators for juvenile asian carp. If we let them take over we have no excuse. We don’t have a threat of having too many native fish! We do have a threat of losing it all.